Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Tuesday, November 8, 2016
Further Viewing: The Many Toys of The Six Million Dollar Man
As I said on this week's episode, I didn't follow The Six Million Dollar Man when I was growing up, but I do remember the existence of toys--yes, glorious toys, many of which I saw in comic book ads after the show was out of first run.
Thanks to the awesomeness of YouTube uploader maxcarnage70, we can enjoy many of the vintage TV ads in one spot. Not included, sadly, is the Venus Probe toy. Actually, even sadder than the lack of an ad here is the fact that Kenner wimped out and called it Venus Probe instead of Death Probe. I mean, they had a Death Star playset! You just don't see enough toys with "Death" on the package (especially nowadays, after ABC's ill-fated Deathchichis toy tie-in series in the 1980s), and we missed out on a classic here.
Let's examine some of the other Bionic Man toys, though:
Is this something that actually aired during Land of the Lost, or is it a promo film of some kind? Either way, it represents toy shilling at its finest. With this spot, Kenner uses the reliable technique of mixing in actual TV show footage and rockin' sound effects with its "kids playing" footage to make this toy line look a blast.
Lee Majors vs. John Saxon in a slow-motion fight to the finish? I'm not sure what the deal is with this voiceless clip, and I don't even think it's an actual toy commercial, but so what? It's cooler than half of the 1970s action movies I've seen.
MASKATRON is just about the coolest toy name ever--rivaling even Deathchichis--and I love this spot despite the rather pedestrian scenarios these two jabronis are acting out.
Wait. We're supposed to use the vaunted BIONIC GRIP to...pick up things? No Bionic Nerve Pinch? No Bionic Head Crush? What a letdown!
I love the uploader's title for this spot. Don't even try to convince me that any child anywhere sat on Santa's lap and asked for Oscar Goldman's Briefcase. It sounds like the world's worst Off-Off Broadway play.
This one cracks me up. Surely every child who got the chance to pit Steve Austin against Bigfoot conjured up the ideal platform for their epic battle: a drag race. Toy funnel cake and toy nachos for the toy spectators at the speedway not included.
Yes, while Steve Austin dolls--er, action figures--get drag races and vehicles, the Bionic Woman gets a beauty salon playset. Eh, it's still cooler than Oscar Goldman's Briefcase.
"Bionic Woman with Bionic Mission Purse." OK, I finally found something lamer than Oscar Goldman's Briefcase.
Thanks to the awesomeness of YouTube uploader maxcarnage70, we can enjoy many of the vintage TV ads in one spot. Not included, sadly, is the Venus Probe toy. Actually, even sadder than the lack of an ad here is the fact that Kenner wimped out and called it Venus Probe instead of Death Probe. I mean, they had a Death Star playset! You just don't see enough toys with "Death" on the package (especially nowadays, after ABC's ill-fated Deathchichis toy tie-in series in the 1980s), and we missed out on a classic here.
Let's examine some of the other Bionic Man toys, though:
Is this something that actually aired during Land of the Lost, or is it a promo film of some kind? Either way, it represents toy shilling at its finest. With this spot, Kenner uses the reliable technique of mixing in actual TV show footage and rockin' sound effects with its "kids playing" footage to make this toy line look a blast.
Lee Majors vs. John Saxon in a slow-motion fight to the finish? I'm not sure what the deal is with this voiceless clip, and I don't even think it's an actual toy commercial, but so what? It's cooler than half of the 1970s action movies I've seen.
MASKATRON is just about the coolest toy name ever--rivaling even Deathchichis--and I love this spot despite the rather pedestrian scenarios these two jabronis are acting out.
Wait. We're supposed to use the vaunted BIONIC GRIP to...pick up things? No Bionic Nerve Pinch? No Bionic Head Crush? What a letdown!
I love the uploader's title for this spot. Don't even try to convince me that any child anywhere sat on Santa's lap and asked for Oscar Goldman's Briefcase. It sounds like the world's worst Off-Off Broadway play.
This one cracks me up. Surely every child who got the chance to pit Steve Austin against Bigfoot conjured up the ideal platform for their epic battle: a drag race. Toy funnel cake and toy nachos for the toy spectators at the speedway not included.
Yes, while Steve Austin dolls--er, action figures--get drag races and vehicles, the Bionic Woman gets a beauty salon playset. Eh, it's still cooler than Oscar Goldman's Briefcase.
"Bionic Woman with Bionic Mission Purse." OK, I finally found something lamer than Oscar Goldman's Briefcase.
Monday, November 7, 2016
Bionic Mustache
Well, our crack research team has done it again! Through a Freedom of Information act (FOIA), we have obtained this now declassified computerized image from the Office of Scientific Investigation's (OSI) archives. It not only proves the existence of the once speculated Bionic Mustache but also reveals some of its abilities.
Not surprising that a man like Dr. Rudy Wells (pictured below with Colonel Austin) would invest his time in a project like this.
Not surprising that a man like Dr. Rudy Wells (pictured below with Colonel Austin) would invest his time in a project like this.
Friday, November 4, 2016
Show Notes: Episode 7, The Six Million Dollar Man "Death Probe"
*"Death Probe" aired as a two-parter on ABC January 9 and January 16, 1977.
*In today's dollars, $6 million is about $24 million. It's obligatory for anyone talking about The Six Million Dollar Man today to do the math.
*Mark Wahlberg's big-screen version, The Six Billion Dollar Man (they didn't bother doing the math), is in development for a December 2017 release, with Peter Berg attached to direct. The movie keeps getting pushed back, though, so we'll believe it when we see it.
*The Russian government declined to comment on its rumored role in attempting to destabilize American pop culture by reintroducing the "Death Probe" episode through leaked bootleg videos.
*Gary Collins (1938-2012) was an actor in series like the 1970s Sixth Sense and later the host of weekday chat show Hour Magazine. He was not Russian.
*Lee Majors and Farrah Fawcett were married in 1973 but split in 1979, so they were both superstars during their relationship. Their pairing has been compared to that of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston...by Lee Majors himself. It was a really big deal, though.
*Super Joe was Hasbro's reboot of sorts of G.I. Joe with a sci-fi theme.
*The Shmoo was cartoonist Al Capp's creation for Li'l Abner; he later became a star of NBC's Saturday morning lineup. This version was a cop partner of Fred Flinstone and Barney Rubble (!), then later, in his own series, a shapeshifter who solved mysteries.
*How would YOU describe the sound we hear when Steve Austin does cool bionic stuff? Tell us in the comments!
*As always, hit our YouTube channel for this episode's playlist, featuring promos, clips, commercials, and surprises!
*In today's dollars, $6 million is about $24 million. It's obligatory for anyone talking about The Six Million Dollar Man today to do the math.
*Mark Wahlberg's big-screen version, The Six Billion Dollar Man (they didn't bother doing the math), is in development for a December 2017 release, with Peter Berg attached to direct. The movie keeps getting pushed back, though, so we'll believe it when we see it.
*The Russian government declined to comment on its rumored role in attempting to destabilize American pop culture by reintroducing the "Death Probe" episode through leaked bootleg videos.
*Gary Collins (1938-2012) was an actor in series like the 1970s Sixth Sense and later the host of weekday chat show Hour Magazine. He was not Russian.
*Lee Majors and Farrah Fawcett were married in 1973 but split in 1979, so they were both superstars during their relationship. Their pairing has been compared to that of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston...by Lee Majors himself. It was a really big deal, though.
*Super Joe was Hasbro's reboot of sorts of G.I. Joe with a sci-fi theme.
*The Shmoo was cartoonist Al Capp's creation for Li'l Abner; he later became a star of NBC's Saturday morning lineup. This version was a cop partner of Fred Flinstone and Barney Rubble (!), then later, in his own series, a shapeshifter who solved mysteries.
*How would YOU describe the sound we hear when Steve Austin does cool bionic stuff? Tell us in the comments!
*As always, hit our YouTube channel for this episode's playlist, featuring promos, clips, commercials, and surprises!
Thursday, November 3, 2016
Episode 7: The Six Million Dollar Man "Death Probe Parts I and II"
Listener Andrew Reinhard requested we discuss this two-part episode of The Six Million Dollar Man that terrified him as a child...and haunts him to this day. Can the Bionic Man defeat a crashed Russian Venus probe bent on destroying Wyoming? Can we get through the final climactic Bionic Man in helicopter vs. Death Probe scene? What do we think of the Bionic Man's mustache? We can give you the answers because we have the technology!
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
Tuesday, November 1, 2016
TV Guide Game Ephemera: Lowenbrau edition
Some images from the March 5-11, 1983, edition of TV Guide we used in "The TV Guide Game."
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| Valerie Bertinelli graces the cover and features in a cover story about her and Eddie Van Halen. |
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| What's TV Guide without "Cheers 'n' Jeers," and this one includes a Jeer about Cheers! |
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| A report on an actual Battle of two TV Movies. |
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| The great ad for At Ease we marked out for. |
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| That week's episode description. |
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| Speaks for itself! |
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| An action-packed Friday night! Tough choice. |
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| In case you were wondering who played Compact. |
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| Who indeed? Who...in...deed? |
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