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Tuesday, November 5, 2024

Power Rankings: The castaways on Gilligan's isle

The "Mary Ann or Ginger?" debate is tired by now (and perhaps never even all that close), but what about 'Mary Ann or Ginger or Mrs. Howell or Mr. Howell or Skipper or Gilligan or Professor?" That's right, we decide that today in our exclusive Gilligan's Island power rankings.

Remember, these scientific ratings are based on how the castaways would fare if pitted against each other in neutral weather conditions on an uncharted desert isle.

1) Skipper: He's the heart of the show and, despite the fact that he was at the helm when they wrecked and must (and does) bear responsibility, a true leader and a quality guy. Plus he's a great buddy. The fact that he looks directly at us a few times each episode is a probably factor in boosting his relationship with the audience.

2) Mary Ann: The primary America's sweetheart during a key decade of television (Yes, even more than Chet Huntley) is not perfect, but she and Gilligan are the two nicest folks on the island. She's a great cook, too!

3) Professor: At times he can seem a little detached, but that's only because he's thinking. In fact Roy Hinkley is a great guy and, looking at his overall body of work, possessor of a great deal of common sense for a stereotypical egghead. Most of the time, he doesn't shy away from manual labor that's required in a deserted island setting, unlike...

4) Thurston Howell III: Say what you will about Mr. Howell, but at least he is focused. He just happens to be focused on money. He might not be the best role model unless you are Alex P. Keaton, but I think he may be, scene for scene, the funniest character on the series.

5) Gilligan: His name is in the title, but it's only his island because he keeps preventing the escapes from happening. It's weird to say it, but I think if I absolutely had to, I could watch an episode with only the four higher-ranked castaways on the list.

6) Ginger: There is no shame in finishing second to Mary Ann Summers, but Ginger Grant comes off as one-dimensional too often, but unlike the others ahead of her on this list, the dimension isn't always funny. Don't get me wrong, this is a great ensemble, and Ginger's presence is vital, but there have to be people at the bottom of this list of only 7 people.

7) Lovey Howell: Natalie Schafer does a great job with her, and the Howells have many hilarious scenes, but let's face it, it's easy to forget the character has a name other than "Mrs." (Let alone that she has an actual first name other than "Lovey.")

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