On this day in 1923, a team of archaeologists (meddlers?) opened King Tut's tomb. Legend has it that just thinking about this event subjects you to the infamous CURSE....unless you watch this:
Saturday, February 16, 2019
Thursday, February 14, 2019
That Time We Met Robert Pine
This week, we talk about a recent opportunity we had to meet the great Robert Pine, patron saint of Battle of the Network Shows! Then to sweeten the deal, we offer an encore presentation of our "Lowenbrau" episode, featuring one Robert Pine!
Wednesday, February 13, 2019
Sunday, February 10, 2019
Battle of the Network Shows Top 10 #2
Thanks to all of you who put down some money at Ladbrokes speculating on who would make this week's top 10. Feel free to send us a tip with your winnings. Those Silver Spoons DVDs don't come for free, you know.
1) MASH: Dare I say that MASH is..."having a moment"? Alan Alda reunited surviving members for this week's episode of his Clear and Vivid podcast, and now is a good time to announce that the MASH episode of our podcast is running neck and neck with another one (see below) as the most downloaded of season 5. Just think if there were some channel somewhere that actually showed the reruns!
2) Alan Alda: Speaking of Alda, the former Hawkeye Pierce won a SAG Lifetime Acheivement Award, then won the hearts of millions with his moving acceptance speech. My only regret was that he didn't thank Tuttle.
In an interview with Inc., Alda said this about podcasts: There's this huge audience for podcasts in the country, and a huge secondary would-be audience if they only knew how to get one. Mr. Alda, we agree, and we extend a standing invitation to Battle of the Network Shows to get the word out.
3) Hee Haw: Is in the running with MASH as the most downloaded episode of our fifth season. I can't say why because I don't know, but somehow this fact is in the top five of things I am proudest about since we started the show.
4) The Bob Newhart Show: The whole run is finally on Hulu, only about 18 months after it was announced, but, hey, who's counting? This is definitely a series we'll get to someday.
5) Suzi Quatro: She is reportedly "hurt" about not being in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and I thought I was looking at a parody article when I first saw the headline. Hey, Suze, it's easy to get in there--it's open 7 days a week, and you can get ticket info here: https://www.rockhall.com/visit
6) Conrad Bain: Because it was the late Diff'rent Strokes patriarch's birthday this week. You know, growing up and watching the show, I never wished Mr. Drummond were my father. Yet for some reason, I always wished he were my son. That's not weird, is it?
7) Julie Adams: Some of you may remember the actress, who died this week, as the female lead in Creature from the Black Lagoon, but in the BOTNS universe, she is forever the star of The Jimmy Stewart Show! Well, if you don't count Jimmy Stewart.
8) Michael Learned and Loretta Swit: Learned got past her crushing loss at the Battys and appeared on the TV Confidential radio show and podcast. Swit got past her crushing loss at the Battys and appeared on the TV Confidential rad--Wait. I'm being told Swit was not nominated for a Batty. Ouch. I guess not everyone at MASH is having a moment. However, she is raising a lot of money for animal-related charitable causes, which I guess is a little more important.
9) One Day at a Time: The third season premieres on Netflix this weekend, reminding people that the original CBS sitcom exists (maybe?).
10) Jaclyn Smith and Cheryl Ladd: The two generated buzz by posing together and looking fabulous in an Instagram post. They might have been higher, but Smith made a reference to time not having "past" instead of "passed" in the post. (Michael Learned and Loretta Swit got past things; time just passed) Jaclyn just missed out on an Outstanding Hair Batty, but she need not worry about similar heartbreak if we ever institute an Outstanding Speller category.
Not ranked: Major Frank Burns, Shelley Hack, The Twilight Zone (1985-1989 version), Pinky Tuscadero
1) MASH: Dare I say that MASH is..."having a moment"? Alan Alda reunited surviving members for this week's episode of his Clear and Vivid podcast, and now is a good time to announce that the MASH episode of our podcast is running neck and neck with another one (see below) as the most downloaded of season 5. Just think if there were some channel somewhere that actually showed the reruns!
2) Alan Alda: Speaking of Alda, the former Hawkeye Pierce won a SAG Lifetime Acheivement Award, then won the hearts of millions with his moving acceptance speech. My only regret was that he didn't thank Tuttle.
In an interview with Inc., Alda said this about podcasts: There's this huge audience for podcasts in the country, and a huge secondary would-be audience if they only knew how to get one. Mr. Alda, we agree, and we extend a standing invitation to Battle of the Network Shows to get the word out.
3) Hee Haw: Is in the running with MASH as the most downloaded episode of our fifth season. I can't say why because I don't know, but somehow this fact is in the top five of things I am proudest about since we started the show.
4) The Bob Newhart Show: The whole run is finally on Hulu, only about 18 months after it was announced, but, hey, who's counting? This is definitely a series we'll get to someday.
5) Suzi Quatro: She is reportedly "hurt" about not being in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and I thought I was looking at a parody article when I first saw the headline. Hey, Suze, it's easy to get in there--it's open 7 days a week, and you can get ticket info here: https://www.rockhall.com/visit
6) Conrad Bain: Because it was the late Diff'rent Strokes patriarch's birthday this week. You know, growing up and watching the show, I never wished Mr. Drummond were my father. Yet for some reason, I always wished he were my son. That's not weird, is it?
7) Julie Adams: Some of you may remember the actress, who died this week, as the female lead in Creature from the Black Lagoon, but in the BOTNS universe, she is forever the star of The Jimmy Stewart Show! Well, if you don't count Jimmy Stewart.
8) Michael Learned and Loretta Swit: Learned got past her crushing loss at the Battys and appeared on the TV Confidential radio show and podcast. Swit got past her crushing loss at the Battys and appeared on the TV Confidential rad--Wait. I'm being told Swit was not nominated for a Batty. Ouch. I guess not everyone at MASH is having a moment. However, she is raising a lot of money for animal-related charitable causes, which I guess is a little more important.
9) One Day at a Time: The third season premieres on Netflix this weekend, reminding people that the original CBS sitcom exists (maybe?).
10) Jaclyn Smith and Cheryl Ladd: The two generated buzz by posing together and looking fabulous in an Instagram post. They might have been higher, but Smith made a reference to time not having "past" instead of "passed" in the post. (Michael Learned and Loretta Swit got past things; time just passed) Jaclyn just missed out on an Outstanding Hair Batty, but she need not worry about similar heartbreak if we ever institute an Outstanding Speller category.
Not ranked: Major Frank Burns, Shelley Hack, The Twilight Zone (1985-1989 version), Pinky Tuscadero
Monday, February 4, 2019
BOTNS Top 10! Our exclusive power rankings debut!
We're confident of three things: 1) Gabe Kaplan is a great bet in a footrace, 2) People love lists and rankings and 3) At least since the decline of United Press International, there has been no consistent "power ranking" of the hottest people, shows, and inanimate objects in the world of 1970s and 1980s television.
That's why we are changing the game today with the first edition of our newest website feature: The BOTNS Top 10. This week's list is Batty-centric, but future installments will take a broader look at the vast Battle of the Network Showiverse (including the Norman Learverse).
We thought of presenting these rankings as 2-11 in a nod to our long-time coveted special demographic, but we are doing this the conventional way: 1-10 in descending order of power-ness. Got it? Here we go!
1) Hill Street Blues: Arguably the big winner of the Batty Awards with a show-tying 3 wins (see below) including the prestigious Best Series and Genius trophies.
2) Michael Conrad: "Let's be careful out there" is now joined by "Genius Award winner" as the most common phrases associated with the late actor.
3) Robert Pine: Because we must give due credit and respect to the original inspiration for the Genius Award!
4) Best of the West: Tied Hill Street Blues with 3 wins and had a strong overall night, proving either that BOTNS has a keen eye for quality or that 1981 audiences were imbeciles...or both.
5) Ray Charles: Perhaps the coolest single individual and a clear favorite of the Blue Ribbon Committee and the voters themselves. This might be the biggest thing to happen to Ray since singing America the Beautiful at WrestleMania II.
6) Jessica Walter: Impressed us as much as Ray Charles with her stellar turn as Doctor Strange foe sorceress Morgan le Fay. If only she could cast a spell to banish Jeffrey Tambor to another dimension...
7) Alan Fudge: It's a cliché to describe anyone as "fortunate just to be there," but Biggest Dope nominee Alan "Hot" Fudge scored a victory just for being in the mix. It's one more small step in the Fudgeissaince the podcast hopes to inspire.
8) Lowenbrau: Reports are that sales of the Official Adult Beverage of BOTNS went through the roof during the Battys. Somehow when they came back down, they landed in the cornfield and on Junior Samples' head.
9) Erin Gray: Came home emptyhanded this time but solidified her status as a BOTNS legend.
10) Paul Williams: 0 for 3 at the Battys, but damned if "The Hell of It" hasn't been in our heads all week.
Not ranked (and possibly nonexistent): Tuttle, Leonard Frey's mustache, Wooden plank from The Waltons, Jamie Foxx
That's why we are changing the game today with the first edition of our newest website feature: The BOTNS Top 10. This week's list is Batty-centric, but future installments will take a broader look at the vast Battle of the Network Showiverse (including the Norman Learverse).
We thought of presenting these rankings as 2-11 in a nod to our long-time coveted special demographic, but we are doing this the conventional way: 1-10 in descending order of power-ness. Got it? Here we go!
1) Hill Street Blues: Arguably the big winner of the Batty Awards with a show-tying 3 wins (see below) including the prestigious Best Series and Genius trophies.
2) Michael Conrad: "Let's be careful out there" is now joined by "Genius Award winner" as the most common phrases associated with the late actor.
3) Robert Pine: Because we must give due credit and respect to the original inspiration for the Genius Award!
4) Best of the West: Tied Hill Street Blues with 3 wins and had a strong overall night, proving either that BOTNS has a keen eye for quality or that 1981 audiences were imbeciles...or both.
5) Ray Charles: Perhaps the coolest single individual and a clear favorite of the Blue Ribbon Committee and the voters themselves. This might be the biggest thing to happen to Ray since singing America the Beautiful at WrestleMania II.
6) Jessica Walter: Impressed us as much as Ray Charles with her stellar turn as Doctor Strange foe sorceress Morgan le Fay. If only she could cast a spell to banish Jeffrey Tambor to another dimension...
7) Alan Fudge: It's a cliché to describe anyone as "fortunate just to be there," but Biggest Dope nominee Alan "Hot" Fudge scored a victory just for being in the mix. It's one more small step in the Fudgeissaince the podcast hopes to inspire.
8) Lowenbrau: Reports are that sales of the Official Adult Beverage of BOTNS went through the roof during the Battys. Somehow when they came back down, they landed in the cornfield and on Junior Samples' head.
9) Erin Gray: Came home emptyhanded this time but solidified her status as a BOTNS legend.
10) Paul Williams: 0 for 3 at the Battys, but damned if "The Hell of It" hasn't been in our heads all week.
Not ranked (and possibly nonexistent): Tuttle, Leonard Frey's mustache, Wooden plank from The Waltons, Jamie Foxx
Sunday, February 3, 2019
Batty Awards #5 by the Numbers
The fallout from the Battys lingers in the air like the hairspray at the Carringtons' residence, and we are continuing to break down the latest version of our most prestigious event. Here is a list of the Battys by the numbers:
431: Number of times Wilona says "Mmm" or "Hmm" in the end credits version of Batty-award-winning theme song for The Jeffersons (estimate)
75/25: Approximate ratio of melancholy to hopefulness in the Batty-winning theme song for Hill Street Blues
47: Number of times Roy Clark teased Outstanding Hair nominee Buck Owens over his follicle situation (estimate).
25-30: Approximate number of minutes it took Mike and Rick to regain equilibrium after returning from the astral plane
9: Number of noms (including Best Series and Best Episode) for Hee Haw, which won no Battys
4: Number of times Rick sighed when contemplating Jaclyn Smith in the Outstanding Hair category
3 Number of Battys won by Hill Street Blues and Best of the West, making them tied for top overall honors.
2: Number of nominees who one might reasonably presume flung fecal matter at one time (Bear from B.J. and the Bear and [REDACTED])
1: Number of potentially actionable implications made about Glen Larson during the ceremony
1: Number of career award nominations (including this one) for the wooden plank that concussed John Boy on The Waltons.
0: Number of times the word "fey" was uttered during the ceremony (perhaps the biggest upset of the night)
0: Number of Battys won by The Waltons, Hee Haw, When Things Were Rotten, and The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries.
Special Section: Paul Williams by the Numbers!
3: Number of Batty nominations for Paul Williams
2: Number of Paul Williams imitations attempted during the awards
0: Number of Battys won by Paul Williams
431: Number of times Wilona says "Mmm" or "Hmm" in the end credits version of Batty-award-winning theme song for The Jeffersons (estimate)
75/25: Approximate ratio of melancholy to hopefulness in the Batty-winning theme song for Hill Street Blues
47: Number of times Roy Clark teased Outstanding Hair nominee Buck Owens over his follicle situation (estimate).
25-30: Approximate number of minutes it took Mike and Rick to regain equilibrium after returning from the astral plane
9: Number of noms (including Best Series and Best Episode) for Hee Haw, which won no Battys
4: Number of times Rick sighed when contemplating Jaclyn Smith in the Outstanding Hair category
3 Number of Battys won by Hill Street Blues and Best of the West, making them tied for top overall honors.
2: Number of nominees who one might reasonably presume flung fecal matter at one time (Bear from B.J. and the Bear and [REDACTED])
1: Number of potentially actionable implications made about Glen Larson during the ceremony
1: Number of career award nominations (including this one) for the wooden plank that concussed John Boy on The Waltons.
0: Number of times the word "fey" was uttered during the ceremony (perhaps the biggest upset of the night)
0: Number of Battys won by The Waltons, Hee Haw, When Things Were Rotten, and The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries.
Special Section: Paul Williams by the Numbers!
3: Number of Batty nominations for Paul Williams
2: Number of Paul Williams imitations attempted during the awards
0: Number of Battys won by Paul Williams
Friday, February 1, 2019
Your official Batty Awards 5 list of winners!
Congratulations to all the nominees and especially this season's Batty winners! Remember to listen to the podcast if you don't want the awards spoiled, but if you want a handy list, here you go.
Winners are listed in bold below:
Outstanding Guest Star
Erin Gray (B.J. and the Bear)
Hugh O'Brian (Charlie's Angels)
Lorne Greene (Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew)
Paul Williams (Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew)
Dennis Franz (Hill Street Blues)
Christopher Lloyd (Best of the West)
Outstanding Performance as Oneself
Johnny Cash (Hee Haw)
Melba Montgomery (Hee Haw)
Freddy Fender (Hee Haw)
Ray Charles (Saturday Night Live)
Peter Lawford (The Jeffersons)
Outstanding Performance by a Youth
Meeno Peluce (Best of the West)
Euchariah (Halloween Is Grinch Night) (played by Gary Shapiro, not Gary Parsons as Rick misstated during the ceremony)
Shaun Cassidy (Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew)
Pamela Sue Martin (Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew)
Outstanding Performance by a Non-Human
Grinch (Halloween Is Grinch Night)
Max (Halloween Is Grinch Night)
Bear (B.J. and the Bear)
The wooden plank (The Waltons)
Tuttle (MASH)
Outstanding Hair
Farrah Fawcett (Charlie's Angels)
Jaclyn Smith (Charlie's Angels)
Buck Owens (Hee Haw)
Peter Hooten (Doctor Strange)
Paul Williams (Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew)
Outstanding Facial Hair
Doctor Strange (Doctor Strange)
Parker Tillman (Best of the West)
Freddy Fender (Hee Haw)
Mick Belker (Hill Street Blues)
Dennis Franz (Hill Street Blues)
George Jefferson (The Jeffersons)
Biggest Heel
Frank Burns (MASH)
Grinch (Halloween Is Grinch Night)
Parker Tillman (Best of the West)
Morgan LeFey (Doctor Strange)
Mr. Mike (Saturday Night Live)
Sheriff of Nottingham (When Things Were Rotten)
Biggest Dope
Alan Fudge (Charlie's Angels)
Prince John (When Things Were Rotten)
The Citizens of Transylvania (Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries)
Ed Lauter (BJ and the Bear)
Junior Samples (Hee Haw)
Dan Aykroyd as Tom Snyder (Saturday Night Live)
Best Song
The Hell of It performed by Paul Williams (Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries)
I Walk the Line performed by Johnny Cash (Hee Haw)
Wasted Days and Wasted Nights performed by Freddy Fender (Hee Haw)
What'd I Say performed by Ray Charles (Saturday Night Live)
That's Rock and Roll performed by Shaun Cassidy (Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries)
Oustanding Theme Song (with lyrics)
Hee Haw
The Jeffersons
Best of the West
When Things Were Rotten
B.J. and the Bear
Outstanding Theme Song (instrumental)
Charlie's Angels
Saturday Night Live
Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries
MASH
The Waltons
Hill Street Blues
Outstanding Performance by a Male
Sherman Helmsley (The Jeffersons)
Roy Clark (Hee Haw)
Alan Alda (MASH)
Daniel J. Travanti (Hill Street Blues)
Greg Evigan (B.J. and the Bear)
Ralph Waite (The Waltons)
Outstanding Performance by a Female
Farrah Fawcett (Charlie's Angels)
Kate Jackson (Charlie's Angels)
Jaclyn Smith (Charlie's Angels
Isabel Sanford (The Jeffersons)
Jessica Walter (Doctor Strange)
Michael Learned (The Waltons)
Robert Pine Genius Award: Michael Conrad (Hill Street Blues)
Best Episode (that we covered)
The Calico Kid Returns (Best of the West)
Best Show (that we covered)
Hill Street Blues
Thanks to all of the nominees and even those who didn't quite make the list. The blue ribbon nominating committee made some tough choices, to be sure.
Stay tuned for more bonus episodes and news on season 6!
Winners are listed in bold below:
Outstanding Guest Star
Erin Gray (B.J. and the Bear)
Hugh O'Brian (Charlie's Angels)
Lorne Greene (Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew)
Paul Williams (Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew)
Dennis Franz (Hill Street Blues)
Christopher Lloyd (Best of the West)
Outstanding Performance as Oneself
Johnny Cash (Hee Haw)
Melba Montgomery (Hee Haw)
Freddy Fender (Hee Haw)
Ray Charles (Saturday Night Live)
Peter Lawford (The Jeffersons)
Outstanding Performance by a Youth
Meeno Peluce (Best of the West)
Euchariah (Halloween Is Grinch Night) (played by Gary Shapiro, not Gary Parsons as Rick misstated during the ceremony)
Shaun Cassidy (Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew)
Pamela Sue Martin (Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew)
Outstanding Performance by a Non-Human
Grinch (Halloween Is Grinch Night)
Max (Halloween Is Grinch Night)
Bear (B.J. and the Bear)
The wooden plank (The Waltons)
Tuttle (MASH)
Outstanding Hair
Farrah Fawcett (Charlie's Angels)
Jaclyn Smith (Charlie's Angels)
Buck Owens (Hee Haw)
Peter Hooten (Doctor Strange)
Paul Williams (Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew)
Outstanding Facial Hair
Doctor Strange (Doctor Strange)
Parker Tillman (Best of the West)
Freddy Fender (Hee Haw)
Mick Belker (Hill Street Blues)
Dennis Franz (Hill Street Blues)
George Jefferson (The Jeffersons)
Biggest Heel
Frank Burns (MASH)
Grinch (Halloween Is Grinch Night)
Parker Tillman (Best of the West)
Morgan LeFey (Doctor Strange)
Mr. Mike (Saturday Night Live)
Sheriff of Nottingham (When Things Were Rotten)
Biggest Dope
Alan Fudge (Charlie's Angels)
Prince John (When Things Were Rotten)
The Citizens of Transylvania (Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries)
Ed Lauter (BJ and the Bear)
Junior Samples (Hee Haw)
Dan Aykroyd as Tom Snyder (Saturday Night Live)
Best Song
The Hell of It performed by Paul Williams (Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries)
I Walk the Line performed by Johnny Cash (Hee Haw)
Wasted Days and Wasted Nights performed by Freddy Fender (Hee Haw)
What'd I Say performed by Ray Charles (Saturday Night Live)
That's Rock and Roll performed by Shaun Cassidy (Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries)
Oustanding Theme Song (with lyrics)
Hee Haw
The Jeffersons
Best of the West
When Things Were Rotten
B.J. and the Bear
Outstanding Theme Song (instrumental)
Charlie's Angels
Saturday Night Live
Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries
MASH
The Waltons
Hill Street Blues
Outstanding Performance by a Male
Sherman Helmsley (The Jeffersons)
Roy Clark (Hee Haw)
Alan Alda (MASH)
Daniel J. Travanti (Hill Street Blues)
Greg Evigan (B.J. and the Bear)
Ralph Waite (The Waltons)
Outstanding Performance by a Female
Farrah Fawcett (Charlie's Angels)
Kate Jackson (Charlie's Angels)
Jaclyn Smith (Charlie's Angels
Isabel Sanford (The Jeffersons)
Jessica Walter (Doctor Strange)
Michael Learned (The Waltons)
Robert Pine Genius Award: Michael Conrad (Hill Street Blues)
Best Episode (that we covered)
The Calico Kid Returns (Best of the West)
Best Show (that we covered)
Hill Street Blues
Thanks to all of the nominees and even those who didn't quite make the list. The blue ribbon nominating committee made some tough choices, to be sure.
Stay tuned for more bonus episodes and news on season 6!
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