Sunday, February 3, 2019

Batty Awards #5 by the Numbers

The fallout from the Battys lingers in the air like the hairspray at the Carringtons' residence, and we are continuing to break down the latest version of our most prestigious event. Here is a list of the Battys by the numbers:

431: Number of times Wilona says "Mmm" or "Hmm" in the end credits version of Batty-award-winning theme song for The Jeffersons (estimate)

75/25: Approximate ratio of melancholy to hopefulness in the Batty-winning theme song for Hill Street Blues

47: Number of times Roy Clark teased Outstanding Hair nominee Buck Owens over his follicle situation (estimate).

25-30: Approximate number of minutes it took Mike and Rick to regain equilibrium after returning from the astral plane

9: Number of noms (including Best Series and Best Episode) for Hee Haw, which won no Battys

4: Number of times Rick sighed when contemplating Jaclyn Smith in the Outstanding Hair category

3 Number of Battys won by Hill Street Blues and Best of the West, making them tied for top overall honors.

2: Number of nominees who one might reasonably presume flung fecal matter at one time (Bear from B.J. and the Bear and [REDACTED])

1: Number of potentially actionable implications made about Glen Larson during the ceremony

1: Number of career award nominations (including this one) for the wooden plank that concussed John Boy on The Waltons.

0: Number of times the word "fey" was uttered during the ceremony (perhaps the biggest upset of the night)

0: Number of Battys won by The Waltons, Hee Haw, When Things Were Rotten, and The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries.

Special Section: Paul Williams by the Numbers!

3: Number of Batty nominations for Paul Williams
2: Number of Paul Williams imitations attempted during the awards
0: Number of Battys won by Paul Williams

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