We're confident of three things: 1) Gabe Kaplan is a great bet in a footrace, 2) People love lists and rankings and 3) At least since the decline of United Press International, there has been no consistent "power ranking" of the hottest people, shows, and inanimate objects in the world of 1970s and 1980s television.
That's why we are changing the game today with the first edition of our newest website feature: The BOTNS Top 10. This week's list is Batty-centric, but future installments will take a broader look at the vast Battle of the Network Showiverse (including the Norman Learverse).
We thought of presenting these rankings as 2-11 in a nod to our long-time coveted special demographic, but we are doing this the conventional way: 1-10 in descending order of power-ness. Got it? Here we go!
1) Hill Street Blues: Arguably the big winner of the Batty Awards with a show-tying 3 wins (see below) including the prestigious Best Series and Genius trophies.
2) Michael Conrad: "Let's be careful out there" is now joined by "Genius Award winner" as the most common phrases associated with the late actor.
3) Robert Pine: Because we must give due credit and respect to the original inspiration for the Genius Award!
4) Best of the West: Tied Hill Street Blues with 3 wins and had a strong overall night, proving either that BOTNS has a keen eye for quality or that 1981 audiences were imbeciles...or both.
5) Ray Charles: Perhaps the coolest single individual and a clear favorite of the Blue Ribbon Committee and the voters themselves. This might be the biggest thing to happen to Ray since singing America the Beautiful at WrestleMania II.
6) Jessica Walter: Impressed us as much as Ray Charles with her stellar turn as Doctor Strange foe sorceress Morgan le Fay. If only she could cast a spell to banish Jeffrey Tambor to another dimension...
7) Alan Fudge: It's a cliché to describe anyone as "fortunate just to be there," but Biggest Dope nominee Alan "Hot" Fudge scored a victory just for being in the mix. It's one more small step in the Fudgeissaince the podcast hopes to inspire.
8) Lowenbrau: Reports are that sales of the Official Adult Beverage of BOTNS went through the roof during the Battys. Somehow when they came back down, they landed in the cornfield and on Junior Samples' head.
9) Erin Gray: Came home emptyhanded this time but solidified her status as a BOTNS legend.
10) Paul Williams: 0 for 3 at the Battys, but damned if "The Hell of It" hasn't been in our heads all week.
Not ranked (and possibly nonexistent): Tuttle, Leonard Frey's mustache, Wooden plank from The Waltons, Jamie Foxx