Friday, June 23, 2023

Power Rankings: Hart to Hart!

On this week's podcast, Mike rattles off some of the seemingly endless branches of Hart Industries, which has interests in mining, toys, finance...With the caveat that I have not seen every episode of Hart to hart, nor anything close to it, and that I may well be missing references to these areas of the company, here are my picks for divisions I wish the company had:

1) Hart Heartworks: Let's get it out of the way first: A division devoted to manufacturing and developing components for artificial hearts would be a dream for Jonathan Wagner because it would enable pun opportunities every single day.

2) Hart Colonics: Let's get this one out of the way, too: Can't you imagine Jonathan grinning just before a commercial break and telling Jennifer, "Well, our problems are behind us now"?

3) Hart Inkworks: The Harts open a series of seedy tattoo parlors across the region. Why? "Diversifcation," of course. When shady happenings are reported at the flagship, Jennifer has to go undercover and request a giant back tattoo of Jonathan. We find out that Max already has several--not all of Jonathan.

4) Hart Sports Enterprises: A company to organize the professional sports franchises the Harts own. Since I am making this list based on what I wish I could see on the show, I say give the Harts a Major League Baseball franchise circa 1982 or so. I don't mean have Jonathan buy one, I mean I want him to already own one but just mention it in passing because it's needed for a plot that week.

And to up the ante, have the Harts worried about a drug smuggling ring involving the clubhouse and the team mascot, and have them go undercover to ferret out the details. Naturally you have Jennifer be a hotshot "free agent from nowhere" and Jonathan the mascot.

5) Hart Back Alleys: This underexplored part of the company is responsible for creating noirish backdrops that give the Harts opportunities to don trenchcoats and talk like Bogart and Bacall.

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