Tuesday, July 19, 2022

Power Rankings: Kolchak's (missing) monsters

If you're disoriented by Power Rankings Friday falling on a Tuesday this week, just think that Friday the 13th fell on a Wednesday this month, so anything goes.

This week we rank the monsters that Carl Kolchak did not investigate on his short-lived but fondly remembered ABC series. Specifically, these are monsters we talked about on BOTNS (and, wow, we have discussed a lot of them) and that could in theory have had crossover episodes of some kind with Kolchak the Night Stalker.  Remember, this ranking is of how these would fare if they squared off under a dome in Takoma, Washington! The original podcast episode where we discussed said monster is accessible by clicking the monster's name:

1) The Daleks I would love to see a confrontation between Kolchak and the Daleks, mainly because I am not 100% sure that Carl wouldn't bust out laughing as soon as he saw them.

2) Bigfoot: Ok, I'm cheating here because we didn't actually cover the Bigfoot episodes of The Six Million Dollar Man. Would you rather see the Death Probe again?

3) The Loch Ness Monster: Carl Kolchak and In Search Of... host Leonard Nimoy have so much in common. One is a hardened reporter dedicated to pursuing the truth at all costs. Another is the host of a program dedicated to possibly finding something that may be useful as we continue to pursue the probabilities that may exist that something of this nature might well in fact be real.

4) The Munsters: Ridiculous? Of course. But don't tell me you wouldn't pay to see one or two good scenes with McGavin going back and forth with Grandpa Al Lewis.

5) Killdozer: Kolchak (but not Darren McGavin) might be out of his element on a remote island, but I bet he'd make better choices than 

6) Space Vampire: Carl had several encounters with vampires, but with SPACE vampires? If the series would have lasted more than 20 episodes, how long before they found a way to get the character to the moon?

7) Uncle Ned: You don't think he's a monster? HE HIT ALEX!

8) Solomon Grundy: This beast brought the mighty Ed McMahon to his knees on national television. While Kolchak's at it, maybe he can find out what the deal is with Retired Man.

9) Winterbolt's Ice Dragons: I confess I have not yet seen every Kolchak episode, but I am 99% confident that he never encountered ice dragons. After having survived winters in Chicago, he probably wouldn't be too intimidated.

10) Andy Griffith: Randy Andy's character in Pray for the Wildcats, Sam Farragut, is arguably the scariest, fiercest monster we have seen in 10 seasons of doing the podcast.

Not ranked but receiving votes: Lorne Greene from The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew, the werewolf from Barney Miller, the space creature from Greatest American Hero.

No comments:

Post a Comment